“What’s Normal And What Isn’t?”: A Couples Guide To Fighting Fair

by Lynn Smith-Lovin | Last Updated: April 14, 2022

Fighting fair is the concept of putting your best foot forward in order to win a disagreement instead of making it personal or resorting to name calling or passive aggressive behavior. Fighting fair means making an effort to solve the problem instead of ignoring it or lashing out. It is a way of dealing with conflict that also shows your partner that you care about what they have to say.

This couples’ guide to fighting fair will help you avoid the pitfalls and make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to standing up for your own position. When you’re having a fair fight, you’re not trying to steamroll your partner or make them feel uncomfortable. Instead, you’re being honest about how you feel and offering fair solutions to the problem at hand.

The art of fighting is not easy, especially if you’re not naturally inclined to letting the other person have their say. But, by working on it, you and your partner can strengthen your relationship and make it stronger than it was before.

Couple having a fair fight

It is normal to have a fight every once in a while

Recognize when you’re not being fair

It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and lose sight of the bigger picture. When you’re in a fight, you might forget to check yourself and notice when you’re being unfair. Ask yourself: What part of a fair solution is I missing? When you’re fighting fair, you recognize that it’s not your partner’s job to make you happy. If they’re trying but you’re not receptive to their efforts, it’s not their fault. Instead of tearing them down, try to understand what’s going on.

Before you attack your partner, step back and think about what you’re saying. If you’re already in the middle of an argument, stop and try to figure out what’s going on. Start by figuring out if you’re being unfair to your partner.

Have a conversation about what’s happening

First of all, you need to discuss the issue you’re having. Make sure you’re both on the same page. That way, you can have a conversation as opposed to an argument. Failing to have a conversation can lead to misunderstandings and confusion, causing more harm than good.

Couple having a conversation to avoid fighting

Sometimes a conversation can do more than fighting

Instead of waiting until everything is blown out of proportion, have a conversation with your partner. If you’re not sure where to start or what to say, you can use these conversation starters, which will help you start off on the right foot.

Try to stay on topic

When you’re arguing about one thing, it’s easy to start arguing about other things too. When you’re fighting fair, you should try to stay on topic. That doesn’t mean that you can’t talk about other things. It just means that you should try to keep the discussion about the issue at hand. Things like money, chores, cleaning, and kids should be kept on topic.

Arguing about other things will only lead to more problems than it would to talk about the original problem. When you’re not staying on topic, you’re making your partner feel like they have to defend themselves for everything they do. That makes them feel like they’re being unfair when they’re trying to help you out, like when they do chores or help with the kids.

Ask for help before resorting to fighting

If you find yourself getting into fights every time you disagree, it may be because you’re not asking for what you need instead of taking things personally. Being fighting fair means that you do everything you can to solve problems peacefully. If you find yourself resorting to fighting, it may be because you’re misunderstanding your partner or you’re not asking for what you need.

If you’re in a situation where you need help, try to solve the problem without making your partner feel bad about it. You don’t want to make your partner feel like they need to solve your problems for you. That kind of pressure can cause your partner to feel resentful or resentful, which can lead to passive aggressive behavior.

Practice what you learnt from previous fight

If you’ve fought fair before, you should try to put those fighting fair habits to work. It means that you and your partner know when things are starting to go downhill and you know how to stop it.

Make it a habit to check yourself and your partner whenever you feel that the fight is starting to go too far. If you notice that it’s getting out of hand, step back and figure out what’s going on. While that doesn’t mean that you should go back and change your previous actions, it does mean that you need to understand where you went wrong.

Avoid unnecessary fights

Even though fighting fair is beneficial for your relationship, it won’t fix everything. In the long run, it’s not going to change anything and you’ll just end up fighting about what’s not working instead of making changes.

Couple avoids fight

You win all the fights that don’t happen

For example, if you and your partner have been arguing about housework for weeks and there is no sign of it changing, it’s not going to be helpful to keep fighting about it. Instead, you should both make an effort to solve the problem without making your partner feel bad about it.

Frequently Asked Questions
What is the most common fight all married couples have?

The most common fights are over communication issues, sexual misconduct, alcohol/ drugs or money.

Do all couples fight?

Yes. All happy and successful couples fight. Ignoring issues is also a big issue.

How do you fight fairly in a relationship?

Here are some tips:

Stay in the middle.
Don’t hit below the belt.
Remember: same color shirts.